As I sit here, my work occasionally interrupted with spasms of sneezing, or more often, the I'm-about-to-sneeze-but-really-don't feeling which causes me to waste a minute with my face unnecessarily buried in a kleenex ... my thoughts turn to why I have allergies, or for that matter, anyone does. Allergy rates have been on the rise, doubling in the last 30 years with seemingly no explanation...
http://www.usatoday.com/news/health/2005-08-07-allergy-sensitivity_x.htm
When the medical community is coming up with "explanations" as half-assed as the idea our children are raised in environments that are too clean for their immune systems to be "primed" by exposure to bacteria... you know they're just grasping at straws. (Anyone who's ever been around a baby or toddler will know first-hand they never stay clean for long!) Seriously, blaming the parents of all allergy sufferers for scrubbing the floors and cleaning the sheets? Oh yes, let's just forget the reasons we started cleaning in the first place. It's obvious if only we all had more fleas, bedbugs, head lice, athlete's foot, and hepatitis... we'd all be so much healthier we'd never be allergic to anything!
But for me, there is no mystery... it's all from air pollution. Carbon dioxide is good for plant growth, remember? Well it turns out studies have been made linking increased CO2 levels to pollen emissions from plants... including the infamous ragweed.
http://yaleglobal.yale.edu/display.article?id=9163&page=1
Give the plants more CO2 in the air and they'll take advantage it to produce more pollen. Right now, pollen counts are at ridiculous highs they never were when people first started counting. So as the symptoms of me and my fellow allergy sufferers get worse year after year, as asthma rates continue to climb at risk to human life... I can't help but wonder how few people have made this simple connection between the changes in atmospheric chemistry and human health. Simply put, allergies are worse than they were a hundred years ago, because our immune systems never had to put up with so much pollen before!
Many of the people who believe that global warming isn't man-made go on to say we could burn as many fossil fuels as we wanted to, dump as much carbon into the atmosphere as we can... look how silly we were for worrying so much! ...except even if mainstream science and the people like me who still believe in it are completely wrong, emitting more carbon into the air is still detrimental to human health.
I can't help but wonder if there's someone typing up a post on his blog right now about how "Anthropogenic Global Warming is a Lie!" in-between bouts of sneezing and coughing and puffs on his inhaler... never really sinking in he's asking the rest of humanity to further degrade his air supply.
The point is, global warming aside, we need to reduce our CO2 emissions... before asthma and allergies climb to be the top cause of death.
Saturday, June 21, 2008
Tuesday, June 3, 2008
Summer Fashion Blunders!
Just to prove that there is nothing too petty to be as subject of my hate, I present the top 5 most gods-awful recent trends in summertime clothing. (You have my oblivious real-life friends to thank for this: "What shoes? I've never seen anyone wearing anything like that!" ...losers.)
# 5 - "Wife Beaters"
Normally I like tank tops. That is, the tank tops that are more-or-less sleeveless tees. But who in their right mind first came up with the idea they could wear their skanky, smelly, sleeveless undershirt as outerwear? I'm talking about those ribbed cotton undershirts, that in the early half the 20th Century were originally intended to be worn under your dress shirts and suit jackets in colder weather. The ones that have become so favored as everyday wear by hillbillies, rednecks and other forms of white trash that they have been come to be affectionately known as "wife beaters".I think the name says it all. Use your brain! Is White Trash a look you want to be emulating? Do you actually want people to associate you with someone who is low on IQ and common sense? And if in the remote chance anyone reading this actually happens to a part of the rural, low-income white male segment of the population... stop wearing these Period! You're only making yourself look bad!
Honestly, for 90% of the male population, these look much worse than just taking your shirt off! I'm totally serious about this part: by the time you get down to your hideous, body-odor drenched undershirt, just take that off too! In my opinion, beer guts look much better than these things! That's how horrible they are!
Now, I'm not saying you HAVE to wear something with sleeves... but for gods' sake,
get a real tank top, please! ...or wear an actual sleeveless shirt: # 4 - Sandals and Socks
Alright, I'm not the first person in history to bring this up, and I won't be the last, but no socks with your sandals! If your sense of fashion has become so warped you can't see how ugly it is, consider this: what's the point of the freedom of sandals if you cover your feet up? You might as well just wear complete, foot-enclosing shoes. Which is what I would recommend: wear sandals to bare your feet, and if your feet get too cold, just put some sneakers on instead. Simple!Now, I will make one exception to this rule. I can understand wearing only sandals because you have oddly-shaped feet. I've seen people wearing sandals apparently because their middle toes are longer than their big toe, or with other "interesting" foot shapes normal shoes are a bit awkward to fit. So, if you have to wear sandals because your feet are too, shall we say, "unique" for shoes, by all means, do cover the unsightly "uniqueness" up with socks... freak.
Now if you're one of those young guys who likes the popular single-strap Adidas sandals, please no socks! Nip that bad habit in the bud!
NO!
Because you don't want to grow up to be like this guy...
BTW- Behold, the home of the enemy! http://www.sandalandsoxer.co.uk/home.htm
# 3 - Wearing Socks Outdoors
Lately, I've been seeing more and more kids playing outside in their socks. I don't care if you're 50 years old, or 5, this is not acceptable! Do not send your kids outdoors in their socks! What is so wrong with going barefoot? Your feet don't absorb and retain dirt like cotton. Playing basketball on concrete in your socks has to be the worst... the socks turn all grey and nasty! As for lawns... why wouldn't you want to go barefoot in the soft grass? It makes no sense at all! Just slip the socks off to go outside: it's more comfortable... and there'll be less dirty socks in the laundry.
# 2 - Plaid Shorts
Ack! Now we're entering gag reflex territory!These have become popular among guys nowadays... and I'm even starting to see some girls wear them... and that's not a good thing! I mean, the first time I saw these, I did a double-take: was that a guy in his plaid boxer underwear? Is that the point? Is this some sort of movement to make plaid shorts so ubiquitous, nobody can tell the difference if you wear your boxer underwear instead? The you-forgot-to-wear-pants-today look is not good! Honestly, I think nothing should be plaid! No plaid shorts, socks, flannel shirts, anything! Unless you're Scottish and these are your clan colors, you have no business messing around with plaid! Period.
There's plenty of alternatives: khaki, denim, camouflage... and what was so wrong with athletic shorts?
Before you "go plaid": take this simple 2-question test:
1. Are you Scottish?
2. Are these your clan colors?
If you answer "no" to either question, don't do it!
Remember: Friends don't let friends wear plaid.
# 1 - Crocs
http://www.crocs.com/Aiiee! What pills did the inventors of these drop before they went to the drawing board? Words like "awful", "hideous", and "eyesore" don't even begin to approach the depths of the hideousness of these things! These cheap plastic clogs can be found on racks in nearly every drugstore and Wal-Mart. They're so popular, they've even got a nickname, "crocs". So heady are the "crocs" with their success, you can even buy accessories for them, little jewelry-like "jibbitz" to uglify them even more! (Seriously, jibbitz for your crocs? Since when did a pair of shoes have its own language? Since cheap plastic clogs began, that's when!)
Being so widespread is not a measure of success! When was the last time you bought a decent pair of shoes in a drugstore? Remember the old adage: "You get what you pay for"? There is simply no combination of clothes these shoes from Fashion Hell will match with. Coming in eye-searing pastel yellows, blues, reds, and hot pink, they are guaranteed to clash with any outfit and draw attention to your feet just as surely as if you set them on fire! I've seen girls in bright, neon-colored clothes, and their crocs are ten times as loud in comparison. Not even swirling tie-dyes can compete with the sheer loudness of the colors of these nasties! Adding jibbitz only makes the crocs worse! To put it in perspective, adding warts to a toad does not make it any less ugly... quite the contrary.
Now, I've heard some people consider them children's shoes, think they look c
ute on the little tykes.No, NO, NO!
They do not, under any circumstances look good on anyone! That includes children! Not even fitting them to a little kid's feet will make these things palatable... to the contrary, put crocs on your child, and whatever charm and cuteness your child might have is drowned out by the blazing neon hideousness of their footwear! I suspect the real reason for putting crocs on your kids would be to have pictures of them you can use to embarrass them as teenagers. That would have to qualify as a form of child cruelty! I shudder to think of the rise in teenage suicide rates that will occur when the croc-wearing generation matures... Please, for the love of God, show some decency towards you children and buy them some real shoes!
Last, but not least, if there are any adult crocs-wearers present, I have to add that their only possible redeeming quality, how "comfortable" they're said to be, does not qualify as justification for wearing such a hideous monstrosity! For casual, free and comfortable footwear, what was ever so wrong with flip-flops? A closed shoe, even with ridiculous looking airholes, cannot ever be as "free" as a sandal. Even neon-colored flip-flops beat out crocs any day. Flip-flops make you look like you're ready for the beach... crocs make you look like a clown with worn-out shoes! I take that back: no self-respecting circus clown would ever be caught wearing crocs! Even at their apparent purpose, as beach shoes, crocs are an abysmal faliure. Why would you ever wear these on the sand, when you could just slip them off and wade barefoot in the surf? I mean, isn't that the whole point of going to the beach? If the only shoes made on the planet were crocs, I would go barefoot, even in the dead of winter! I mean that, wholeheartedly!
There is no justification for even the mere existence of crocs! Wearing them is a high crime of fashion! If you spot anyone seen wearing them, please do your civic duty and make a citizen's arrest in the name of the fashion police on the spot!
Remember: Just say NO to crocs!
BTW- This website is awesome!
http://ihatecrocsblog.blogspot.com/
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